Disclaimer: The High Uncle was unaware of any “Break Room Violence” in recent news at big box stores as of this high shenanigan -admittedly I tune out most of the big world. I apologize emphatically for any alarm I may have caused anyone. Please do not do this. Also – As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
As the High Uncle, I start mornings off with a cup of coffee and a sativa -that’s just how it is. Anyway – I’m right in the zone – fresh coffee, a fresh grind of a Kosher Tangie strain rolled perfectly and burning in my hand -about 1/3 way down.

One Proud High Uncle
Now I’m just sitting there, thinking about how proud I am to be The High Uncle while my nephew is at work. Hes in the real world, with real world bills and a real world job. -look now, this kids going places I can feel it! I am super stoked for him! I like to text him at rando times with no regard to the time. You know just to let him know that I am the highest Uncle of anyone who has an Uncle.
Just then, interrupting my nonsense was my wife walking up, she tells me she wants me to go to the store with her. I’m like -“Whoa, whoa, whoa lady” -look now, I’m really not into that right now. I went into this high, prepping for “farmer stuff” -my mind is on finishing the fence, then I’m making an outdoor towel rack out of bamboo -I’m all juiced up to get creative and productive.

The High Uncle IS Going to the store
-OK good -but if I really have to go, first I’m pulling a couple rips from the bong, I’m gonna get “Break Room High -then we’ll go. I’m gonna bring this applesauce cup with me tho”. I’m laughing, shes calling me dumb, we laugh.
-She had no clue my high ass already came up with something stupid to do. I really wasn’t in to going so if I must, Im gonna make it fun. She rolled her eyes, turned and and off we went.
In my wife’s defense, I say and do a bunch of dumb shit – shes numb to it after 22 years.

When super high hits
We get to the grocery store, park, grab a buggy and start in to the store. Maaan that Kosher Tangie from Modern Flower is starting to settle in. Maaan, Im high as fuk, this is a great high.
I remember I have this apple sauce cup I also notice -she hasn’t noticed. As we enter the store, I that thought stoners get from time to time hits “I’m high as fuk”. I start giggling that I’m The High Uncle, higher than any other uncle. Without saying a word I strafe left, behind the store display and I’m outta sight.
Just a BB break room straight outta the 80s
I found the break room in the “Employees Only” area. Walked in to the break room, browsed the notices posted on the walls and frig, the awards, took note of the sink, table, chairs -regular, plain ass, break room. Come to think of it, it looked no different from a break room in the late 90s early 2000s (haven’t been in a break room since 2006).
I took a seat at the table facing the entrance and set my apple sauce cup in front of me. I brought my “Magic Spoon” from a cereal kit a tight stoner buddy sent me a while back. Its that cool over heated steel colored metal with the words “MAGIC SPOON” laser etched on the handle. Best spoon Ive ever had -not saying the same about the cereal -more on that another time.

The High Uncle Has Never Met A Stranger
Now I’m kicking back, taking in the Break Room ambience, I start imaging if I could deal with working there – the stocking, customers, missing my lunch break for Janice’s fukin break room birthday. -nah I like to leave and get high for my lunch. Thats when an employee came in.
As soon as we made eye contact, I stand up saying “Hi I’m Jim! How long have you worked here?” my tone is as if I’m excited to meet a new co-worker.
-OK context -I acted and spoke like I might have been a bit more excited than one would be meeting new co-workers. As I’m sitting back down he tells me his name and about how long hes worked there. I follow up and ask what department hes in -I keep responding with follow up questions as I’m eating my applesauce looking all interested in his role. I actually was tho.
Busted -the gig is up
This whole time I’m asking more questions about the job, the hours, what dept is best. I finished my apple sauce, threw my trash away, washed my spoon and wiped down my seating area.
Just then my phone notification goes off -its my wife asking where I am. I told here “I’m at [store name] just finishing my break. Where are you sweetie?” she calls me a dumb ass and tells me to “get out of the fukin break room and come help take the grocery’s to the car!”
some times when my wife sends a text asking me where I am, I like to respond: “huh?”
I’m giggling now, walking toward the door, tell my new friend it was a pleasure meeting him and thank him for telling me about his experience working there. “hope to see you again man!”

Its not easy -yea it is, its great being The High Uncle
I catch up to my wife at the front doors, laughing as I tell her that, initially, I didn’t want to go shopping. However, I was high as fuk and decided to make the best of it. As a result, I thought I might as well check out the break room. Since I can now check out all by myself, I haven’t needed assistance in a long time now. I should be allowed to hang out in the break room, shuck and jive with the other folks on break.
– just don’t hang out past break time -that’s rude.